Blind Beliefs

Every time I come here,
The memory clouds the sky.
I feel unsettled when I leave.
It's not the rain at all I fear.
Or words you will live by,
Or the differences we all believe.
The joy loses itself as I hear
Conversations on my lips that die,
Unfitting to the words you will weave,
But recollections I hold so dear.
Lie suppressed as low as the high,
As the distance creeps closer and near.
You don't see the trend and where,
The rain's presence or why.
Those clouds don't disappear,
It's why I can no longer come here,
It's why I must say goodbye.
Heed these words and beware,
For now I no longer even care.

04.14.13
©Kerri L. Stanley

Pretentious

This presence you choose to display
Only hardens our loyalty instead
Hurt by the words left unsaid
As if the past was all just a mistake
No matter how the game did play
Your actions are not misread
The tears that surely are shed
Because you simply will walk away
If the meaning of success for your team
Discounts the players you left behind
Where sportsmanship has lost its value
For raising yourself does deem
A coward who is simply so blind
To what you are and what you should do

07.24.11

Missing You

Since we said goodbye to you
The days just aren't the same
And holding onto blame
Doesn't ease the sorrow through
Half fulfilled in what we do
Endless days that only remain
Comfortable in these locks and chains
Wanting back what we once knew
It's an emptiness we want to hold
An ache that leaves us bereft
Needing you near to our souls
While yours is all that is left
Sometimes the sting of the cold
Sustains today just like the rest

07.24.11

Staying and Going

I’m here where I belong
And I’m not there where I should be
Tethered to this book we write
Whose pages are torn and incomplete
Like a diary that nobody should see
Whose meaning you will make your own
Erasing what really matters
While casting too many stones
Heavy as my heart has become
Weakened to toss them away
So they pile up along the boundaries
Of our life from which we can’t stray
I’m still here where I belong
And from there I still stay gone

04.12.09

Chipped Paint

It is still there
That first layer of paint
Buried under several coats
A hidden but permanent stain
No matter its color
That will remind you of time
You thought you buried forever
In the past you left behind
Time moves forward
As we all tend to do
But it still catches up
And will always chase you
So knock the wall down
Or just move away
But you’ll always find that color
To remind you of yesterday
What was the first layer then
You’ll use to hide once again

01.23.09

Thelma & Louise

You want me to hold the line
And risk all that I have
Thinking with you I’ll find
How good it feels to be bad
The vows I made would be breeched
Though forgiven at a confession
A cross road you have reached
Has taught me an invaluable lesson
I ask Him, “Can I help her?”
I hear, “Regard all that she sees.
An accomplice to her being Thelma
You don’t have to be her Louise.”
Go on and have your affair
It’s a risk I’m not willing to dare

01.04.09

First Embrace

His eyes were kind and warm
His spirit as gentle as his hands
A promise made the day he was born
To do all that his job would demand
Keeping him well as he should
Watching him grow year to year
Entrusting his life as he would
And offering his brothers to bear
Filling their charts with his notes
That told of their health and growth
But hidden from all that he wrote
Was the seed he had long since sowed
Hearing their tiny hearts as they beat
Breaking their mother’s so that she would weep
Not counting on his sudden departure
That took him away all too soon
It is not the time for us to see this juncture
What of the visits that will not take place in those rooms
And the one where they have grown to be teens
Where he would remember them once so small
The memories will be there in between
Ever since they ran noisily up and down the halls
Though the pain of his loss will diminish over time
I will always be proud that my sons’ pediatrican, he was mine

10.12.08

Tough Love

Storms will come and go
Yet you thrive on the risk of their danger
You will reap whatever you sow
And can’t run away from your anger
Slicing my heart with coarse words
Mocking me and letting me bleed
Even if you don’t mean what I’ve heard
It’s too late – you’ve planted the seed
Choices too difficult to make
Leaves my heart feeling like a stone
I’ll consider for us safety’s sake
Which means you will have to leave home
For the family, I must take a stand
But I will never let go of your hand

09.16.08

Summer Sun

As invisible as it is free
Reaching the depth of my soul
I let it completely surround me
Filling, surrounding and taking hold
Fire that whispers against my skin
Competing with a single breeze
It grows and spreads from deep within
To be lost one day to a freeze
Clinging to the moment I lose myself
To captivity of its strength
Wishing I could store it on a shelf
To remember long after the season is spent
I worship it as long as I can
Tranquility I grasp in the palm of my hand

07.19.08

Walkaway Joe

I didn't want to believe
You would close the door for good
Expecting to see a reprieve
Of the figure for which you stood

You could hold two hearts of hope
Yet never let them meet
Balancing on the tight rope
And refusing to admit self defeat

You walked away from the past
And left one love behind
But it would not be your last
Do you really think God is blind?

Tonight I ended this game
I poured your liquor down the drain

04.25.08

Far Away Sisters

We were supposed to grow up together
Connecting our childhood to adult years
Even if sisterhood is forever
It would mean more if you were here

Between them, our children are strangers
Long distance cousins lost in time
Unable to savor the other's life flavors
Unmade memories they leave behind

We each live our lives day to day
Caught up in raising them right
They turn into empty yesterdays
And we forget what we saw in hindsight

Too far away to meet
I will never drive down your street

4.12.08

Knowing

If you know me
And my inner child
Then you would surely see

That I see through you
And this game you play
I have been in your shoes
I understand your ways

But you show a cold heart
A door you frequently keep locked
Inside, it tears you apart
But that line you won't cross

If you look you'll see why
I can hear your faint cry

03.29.08

Best Friends Forever

Sometimes unbeknownst to you

I look in the mirror and see

Eyes so clear and blue

That are yours looking back at me

And I wonder if you ever recall

The memories we shared in the past

No matter how big or small

They are ours to cherish and last

There are times when you will be missed

As our paths will cross and separate

We'll fulfill our own dreams that we wished

When we blew out the candles on our cake

So even when we are far apart

Forever you'll be in this girl's heart

03.24.08

03.24.08

Sea Breeze High

Like walking the halls of Sea Breeze High
Our footprints are many along the shore
There isn’t a question of who or why
We all take the place of alumnae before
The window reflects a part of our past
Of the memories we once made
Four years which seem to pass so fast
Become moments we try to reclaim
Sand crabs we are who walk together
Backwards, we still leave our marks
Over a long span of ten decades to forever
Tears of joy are held in our hearts
We will always walk here hand in hand
Even long after our castles turn to sand

03.19.08

Lies

If your words were like rain
They would start falling as a mist
Covering all of this inner pain
That can’t be held inside your fist
You release them into the wind
Blowing its cold lonesome song
A reminder of how you have sinned
Being where you don’t belong
It falls and leaves hurting marks
The raindrops that turn to sleet
You can hold your fist to your heart
Where the pain is growing so deep
You know what you have to do
Unless your words remain untrue

2.1.08

Happily Never After

You lie here beside me
Yet we lie together alone
And in the darkness you can’t see
That this house is a far cry from a home
I won’t dream about you tonight
As I drift off to a restless sleep
And before the darkness turns to light
I’ll have new memories that I’ll let keep
Because even if they are not real
They will carry me through the day
Thoughts that you can’t try to steal
As you only push me farther away
We can stand alone together
Until one of us gives up on forever

1.28.08

Storms

I searched my silent soul
To look for the choice words
Trapped in a darkened hole
To be written instead here first
Warmth turned to hurt and anger
As you let the rainfall pour onto me
No umbrella for me to stand under
Visions blurred to what we can’t see
Good enough is only half the truth
In a life we play out each day
Casting shadows under the roof
Where you insist we all must stay
We each lick our wounds
For the hurting marks are there
As we brace for another round
Of the storms you always share
Lost to where you will go
In a place I refuse to know

1.28.08

The Black Sheep

His darkened rage
Becomes his angry temper
That cannot be caged
Consuming the child I remember
He once laughed at the moon
And embraced in his life the sun
Which now sets each day too soon
Where I fear who he will become
Someone who finds himself broken
In a world he cannot escape
Trapped in hurt words unspoken
Bound by his own red tape
All of these things bind him
Lost to where I can't find him

01.06.08