Nobody

It’s a culmination of years that started in kindergarten.

All those years when you want to shine like a star

Earning high grades, achievements, medals, recognition

So that everybody knows you are somebody.

Fast forward to your last years in high school,

When the most valuable lesson you never dreamed of learning

Was that life can hurt and friends will abandon you,

And the colors of your palate have turned a dull gray.

The last day of those years can’t come soon enough.

You’ll receive that diploma, not with the relief of success,

But with the relief of knowing you can finally close the door for good

And leave those people behind and those papers in a box.

And when they look through the yearbook and come to your photo,

Where you have none of the accomplishments even listed,

They might feel a pang of regret and sadness,

But most likely will just turn the page without even caring.

Because they are too caught up in boasting about their own successes

And their parents are too busy bragging about them

Competing with each other to make sure their child is the brightest star

Careful to hide all their mistakes and faults and truths.

Having left invisible words next to your name and leaving them nothing to reconsider

Will mean everything and anything, and they will be able to interpret the blank message.

They will have been around the block and will have wished they could change history.

When the future will be the present time, and they will see and know your name.

They will call themselves your friends and think that they are special

Because the colors of their palate by now will be dull and faded,

And they’ll think knowing you will make them feel important,

And they will boast that they did, back when you were in high school.

But that door you closed, the hinges will have long since rusted.

There will be no way out and no way in.

And you will be the person they wished they could be,

And like they did to you in high school, you will give your time for nobody.

06.13.18
© Kerri. L. Stanley

On My Way

It’s a place we’ve been many times before
Followed by the knowing sound of a slamming door
I don’t like being here now
I don’t like being here now

Edge of the cliff, fearful of the height
But when I look down I know what I’ll find
Still I won’t make a sound
Still I won’t make a sound

All the disillusion I’ve felt before
Clinging to my heart and mind ‘til I’m jaded
The writing’s on the walls, ceilings, and the floors
And I walk on eggshells trying not to break them

I’m gonna cross that bridge and just move on
You deserve less from me than the time of day
And you might think that I think that you have won
Because like a spoiled child you have gotten your way

It’s a place we’ve been many times before
And now I can finally walk through that door
My happiness I want to shout
My happiness I want to shout

You see, I’m the dragon slayer
And you are broken beyond repair
It’s a freedom that I have found
It’s a freedom that I have found

Not going to pretend to care anymore
Healing my heart and mind of this hatred
I’ve repainted the walls, ceilings, and the floors
And I made my own rules and you can’t even break them

I can see clearly now the pain is gone
I learned how to block every punch when you threw me shade
And you you should know that your actions can’t be undone
I’m on my way, yeah I have found my way

This path you wanted me to follow
Left me feeling empty and only more hollow
Yeah, this path you had me follow
Left me feeling empty and only more hollow

I’m on my way now that those days are gone
I control all the things that I have changed
And you should know that my actions can’t be undone
There’s a better way, yeah it’s a new day

04.01.18
© Kerri L. Stanley

They All Know

Aimlessly, you continue to roam,
Never realizing all that you’ve shown,
And they talk about you up there,
A prized scandal they claim, they claim
all their own.

Back when it had begun,
Is when you started to come undone,
So many moons ago,
Well they all know, they all know.

REFRAIN
You think it’s nothing because it’s not
spoken aloud,
But you’re treading water, and eventually
you will drown.
It’s the talk of the town that they keep
dancing around,
Keeping it behind sacred doors thinking
broken treasures can’t be found.

Your cover, it is blown,
They all know.
You think you’re faultless,
But they know, they all know.

REFRAIN
You think it’s nothing because it’s not
spoken aloud,
But you’re treading water, and eventually
you will drown,
It’s the talk of the town that they keep
dancing around,
Keeping it behind sacred doors thinking
broken treasures can’t be found.

All the time,
They are mindful,
And they judge behind their smiles.

In due time,
The clock will chime,
And you will have to atone.

03.17.18
© Kerri L. Stanley

Not Quite Over

We’ve been here before,
Losing sight of what it’s all for.
Somehow I’ve gotten replaced
For the love you needed in haste,
Whom you think you need more to adore.

To fill your soul and what’s left
Of self pride scarred since adolescent depth.
And you’ve wandered too far away,
Wandered too far away.

It’s like you’ve crossed the border
To abandoned times out of order.
We keep getting older,
But it’s not quite over.
The friendship that has been broken
Can’t hold a candle to what I keep holding,
Even if you have somehow wandered,
The candle flickers in its holder.
Still it’s not quite over,
Not quite over.

It’s not knowing how to share,
And even forgetting that I’m here.
It’s that voice to whom you don’t listen,
Neglecting the friendship that’s still there.
It’s a promise made to the end,
That we’d always be best friends.
Yet here we are at a dead end,
A dead end.

I refuse to ever doubt
That it will fade to be allowed,
Just because you aren’t aware,
Or are blinded by false love.
We put on a front,
Lying to each other.

Still it’s not quite over,
Not quite over.

03.08.18
© Kerri L. Stanley

Nothing at All

Pen to paper, I’ll write it all down,
And I’ll pretend that it means nothing at all.
But if there’s nothing that is happening,
In the hours that are the night,
What is it I’m not writing about?

Your vision is blurred in what you refuse to see,
Perspectives from the people of day.
Your senses are muted and buried by the heart
Overcompensating to pretend that it’s free.

Oaths that were taken on that sacred day,
Only realized in the role that you play.
It’s all part of how you learn to live with the lies -
Disconnected from nothing happening today.

Confessor to friend, I’ll lay it all down,
And I’ll pretend it means nothing at all.
But if there’s nothing that is happening,
In these things that make up you and she,
What is it I’m not talking about?

02.23.18
© Kerri L. Stanley

Trespass

Those are safe words,

What you put in your text.

In case you are challenged,

And ultimately put to the test.

There’s a fence that you will cross,

A very obvious visible line,

Yet you think that you’re not seen

When you’re standing on the other side.

Everybody sees.

Everybody knows.

Everybody denies.

Trespass.

The weight of your burden cannot be felt

Because you carry each other’s sins for each other.

Reasons and excuses unlock the key to the gate,

So you see no need for penance to your Father.

But everybody sees.

And everybody knows.

Still, everybody denies.

Trespass.

Just because you can cross over to the other side,

Does not mean it was never a trespass.

02.17.18

© Kerri L. Stanley

Asking For a Friend

If you know the truth in the words to a story

Can be hidden amid secret deceit

Should you read between the lines?

Asking for a friend.

If you hear a telltale whisper that sounds like a lie

Carried in the branches of a willow tree,

Should you wait and listen for them to bend?

Asking for a friend.

If you perceive what looks like a sin

Repeating itself as only habits can,

Should you brush it off time and again?

Asking for a friend.

If you know something to be wrong,

Even when it might seem all right,

Should you take action to make it end?

Asking for a friend.

If you know it is bringing you down,

And keeping you awake at night,

How do you know when is then?

Asking for a friend.

Asking for a friend.

02.02.18

© Kerri L. Stanley

Hallowed Be Thy Name

Hearing the tale that doesn’t belong,

Realizing again that it’s all still so wrong.

That knot in my stomach, it found its way back,

To the lies and deception that still fill your heart.

You’re stumbling around in the dark,

Taking the path where you know you shouldn’t go.

You deny any crime or sin

By hiding in plain sight as proof and to show

The innocence of a shepherd with its lamb

Can’t be connected to the bull’s eye mark,

Of you having been exposed in the dark.

Too many eyes, too many close calls.

Too many echoes in the crowded halls.

You think you can cover it up being hallowed;

The truth hurts so much.

You’re stumbling around in the dark,

Taking the path where you know you shouldn’t go.

You deny any crime or sin

By hiding in plain sight as proof and to show

The innocence of a shepherd with its lamb

Can’t be connected to the bull’s eye mark,

Of you having been exposed in the dark.

The truth always comes out, what will still appear,

In the falling of every single silent tear.

02.02.18

© Kerri L. Stanley