Storm Clouds Cleared

Walking out of the church after having been down on my knees
I have made my decision, I know it won’t be easy.
Lies become sins and sins can be confessed.
That’s when it is left to Him.
I’m letting go of this burden, wiping the tears from my eyes.
‘Cause you know, everybody needs someone by their side.

I’m erasing from my memory the proof of what you hold and have
Conversations and pictures, I will leave in the past.
No more looking over your shoulder, you can have and still hold her.
That’s when it is left to Him.
I’m letting go of this burden, wiping the tears from my eyes.
Cause I know, everybody needs someone by their side.

So much for morals and what’s right and what’s wrong.
This is what it’s like not to share this broken song.
Being a silent observer is not seen as a fail,
It’s your story to tell that’s between you and him.
I won’t think about how long or even its earliest origin.
I’m keeping this train on its tracks, I won’t let it derail.

And I almost went the other way.
Put these feelings in a box and tied it up tight.
Like your endless visits you still make many a night.
Carry on what you have, cover up what we see.
It is what it is, and will continue to be.
And now the burden is gone.

05.28.17

©Kerri L. Stanley

Church Clothes

Halfway up the aisle, seated there on the end.

Rainy Sunday morning, and you know where you'll be. 

Thinking you're just another nameless face to others,

Pretending to be interested in his speech. 

And yeah, I know it sounds crazy,

But I can see through your quiet prayers.

I'm in the corner, watching you watch him.

And It's like every other Sunday, forced for expectations.

Thinking nobody sees your silent endearments grow,

Just because you're wearing church clothes. 

How can this wrong be made right?

It's a tangled mess, so out of line. 

Desperation and loneliness.

Caught in the storm clouds. 

Afterwards, you'll shake hands.

Pretend to say thanks and then goodbye.

But you don't know all that I know. 

Hiding your sins underneath your church clothes. 

What does it matter? Even the rain can't douse the fire. 

No matter what I say, I'm just preaching to the choir. 

05.21.17

©Kerri L. Stanley

It's Not What You Think

"It's not what you think,"

That's what you keep on saying.

"Your perception is blurred by your anger,

And your reality is slowly fading."

But you have made another mistake,

In a move you thought you did right.

Because I saw those that preceded it,

On the many countless other nights.

If your intentions are not what they seem,

You'd be hard pressed to explain the rest.

Or the chess game you also play with her,

And whose move he will notice next.

It's not what you think.

It's a game you'll keep on playing.

Your perception is clouded by your insecurities

And what I see are boundaries fraying.

It's not what I think.

It's what I see.

05.19.17

©Kerri L. Stanley

Turning a Blind Eye

Stop making excuses to have to leave.

It's obvious you have somewhere else you want to be.

How long can this go on, you keep going back for more.

And I'm tired of wanting to believe you'll ever stop anymore.

Please look at who you are;

And the line you have crossed over.

You must think that I'm so blind.

Or that it's all just in my mind.

I don't know from where I should embark.

This is tearing me apart.

There is so much that is wrong that I know.

It's a turmoil that continues to grow.

Built on your sins and secrets and lies.

You have backed me into a corner.

Making excuses for everything.

I'm trying to be strong. Stop denying what you won't say.

You don't know how to end it. I regret what it will bring.

Every accusation you've heard in your dreams,

Still means nothing with false illusions by your side.

But I hope you can live with yourself in what you continue to deny.

That's why I don't know from where I should embark.

This is tearing me apart.

There is so much that is wrong that I know.

It's a turmoil that continues to grow.

Built on your sins and secrets and lies.

And I don't know how to answer the what and the whys.

05.18.17

©Kerri L. Stanley

Entitlement

It's not how it's done,

It's not how it's played.

It's not who cares,

It's who plays the spade. 

In the gamble of flight,

You say it's for fun.

You act out power and grace,

But you'll still never run.

It's never the reason,

It's less if not more.

It's not about needing,

An excuse like before.

The whole story is out,

Released from its jar.

The wound has yet to heal,

And will still leave a scar.

You still claim the room,

Even from afar.

In your mouth is the spoon,

That says who you are.

Carrying your load,

Acting like you're the star.

Giving all that you have,

Because it's just who you are.

When time comes around 

You still will not run.

Too late you are bound,

To this life you've begun.

And revealed will be your lies,

Unable to walk that straight taut line,

Where alone you are one,

And the one left holding the smoking gun.

05.11.17

©Kerri L. Stanley