Wrong Again

From the first time I met you,
Something wasn't right.
The red flag appeared
While you put on a show,
Thinking no one would know,
Or call you out on what you feared.

Your secret gathered dust through the years,
While you pushed loved ones away far and near.
Wanting only this as your lover and friend,
Stripping your identity so you'd feel incomplete,
Covering up morals with lies and deceit.
Thinking what you have would never have to end.
Wrong again.

Everybody sees
A breech in this decree.
Camouflaged reason,
Twisting what you see,
Misrepresenting who you'd be,
And it turns into quiet treason.

And nobody would touch the coat of dust.
Waiting on you to eventually realize you must
Know soon you'll have to explain,
That you have to make it right,
Still so blinded by the light,
And the guilt you'll no longer feign.
Wrong again.

It seems you think this game can last,
Passing the chance to uncover your mask.
Redeem yourself and lower the flag.
Leave the secrets in the dark;
They've already left their mark.
You hope no one will discover your sins in that bag.
Wrong again,
Wrong again.

12.31.16

©Kerri L. Stanley

Puzzle Pieces

I know I'm probably overthinking it all too much,
Trying to get inside your head to understand.
So many sleepless nights piled up behind me,
While I try to fit together the puzzle pieces in your hand.

I can already see the picture in my mind,
As clear and bright as the blazing sun.
You should put all the pieces back in the box,
And leave it undone and turn around and run.

Thousands of pieces enclosed in the box,
It tumbles over and they fall to the floor.
When you pick them all up, you will lose some,
And it will never be complete and you'll lose even more.

I can't tell you what I see in each tiny piece,
Or that it's something you shouldn't even do.
Hours and hours spent pouring over its fragments,
Whose picture in your mind you'll cling fast to.

I see you struggle with the picture you want to see,
And it will never be what you imagine in your mind.
Desperate to force the pieces where they don't go,
You'll manipulate the image and cross over that frayed line.

Thousands of pieces enclosed in the box,
It tumbles over and they fall to the floor.
When you pick them all up, you will lose some,
And it will never be complete and you'll lose even more.

I can already see the picture in my mind,
As dark and lonely as your broken soul.
Saddened that you'll choose to hold those puzzle pieces,
Continuing to believe you need them to make you feel whole.

Thousands of pieces enclosed in the box,
It will never be complete, no never complete,
Just like the unjust satisfaction in your soul.

12.30.16

©Kerri L. Stanley

Without You Here

Those boxes on the shelf went for years untouched,
I took them down the other day. 

Photos of you I'd forgotten all about 

From all those birthdays and holidays.

I've been moving on as best I can with my life.

I've even let go of all that fear

Of not knowing how I'd ever survive through the years,

But that I'd have to even without you here. 

I'm not trying to make excuses,

But sometimes I just wanna disappear.

Now the memories are all I have left;

It's not easy being me without you here. 

The boxes are back up on the shelf,

Things I know I'll never be able to throw away.

I wish I could take one more picture of you,

I wish we could have one more day. 

I'm not trying to make excuses,

But sometimes I just wanna disappear.

Now the memories are all I have left;

It's not easy being me without you here. 

No, I'm not trying to make excuses,

I'm just going day to day without you here. 

12.16.16
©Kerri L. Stanley

Demons and Storms

Well I should have known this day would come 

The sun can't shine every day in a row

Those clouds will turn gray soon enough 

Wrapped in silence you'll come and you'll go

I don't know why you choose to take this path

Every year you refuse to change course

And the story is always the same outcome

But you'll forge on for better or for worse

I can't go down that road again

I can't fight your demons anymore 

I'm not afraid of the storm that'll ensue

Or of breaking the silence when I close that door

I don't know what the future will hold 

But it's time to let go of today 

You know I can't stay locked up in that room 

With the broken pieces of what I'm trying to say

I can't go down that road again

I can't fight your demons anymore 

I'm not afraid of the storm that'll ensue

Or of breaking the silence when I close that door

I'm not afraid of finding a new road to follow

With or without you, for richer or poorer

But I can't fight your demons anymore

No I can't go down that road anymore  

12.14.16
©Kerri L. Stanley

Pendulum

The pendulum keeps swinging,
Writing the history that shouldn't take place,

With permanent markers that can't erase

Your lies and deception and fall from grace. 

It is who you pretend to want to be,

A sad story so tainted and fabricated,

In the hallmark card and to the girl in the mirror,

Broken dreams adding up in unrelenting fervor. 

Back and forth from fact to fiction,

Pushing past moral grounds and values,

Slanting to the constant fractured and blurred lines,

Until you're so lost to the passing of time.

It is like a trance, what the pendulum will do,

You pace yourself to its hypnotic rhythm,

You want him to be your above average Joe.

Unable to see that with you Joe can never go. 

The pendulum keeps on swinging,

It's arc widening to its witnesses' berth.

So many versions of the story are now written,

It's just a matter of time before others will listen.

12.05.16

©Kerri L. Stanley

Better Than Us

You don't think that I see it,

The assessment that you make,

Sizing up my child to your perfect one,

To see just where he will rate.

To your cliques and next door neighbors,

You'll decide he's not worthy to fit in.

So you'll deem him less superior,

And hope you won't have to disinvite him again.

You were always the type to label and judge

Those who were misfits in your school.

Now you continue the behavior with your own,

Knowingly teaching them to be just as cruel.

My child is no stranger to the facts;

It's one of those hard life lessons to learn.

But you will never shatter his self worth,

And your respect will never be earned.

Don't try to pretend that they may be occasional friends.

Don't think you can charm with your fake smile.

It's haters like you who harden this world,

Especially the short distance between a few miles.

Keep feeding your ego with falsehoods,

And believing good things to you will abound.

We won't try to force our way into your posse;

It's why we live on the other side of town.

10.30.16
©Kerri L. Stanley

Plagiarism

How the story started, I had forgotten.

So I went back to the beginning of the book. 

And then surprised, I read the same passages often. 

I hadn't seen the real story between the lines

Hidden to most who can so easily overlook it. 

A needle in a haystack when exposed will shine. 

To saturate the fabric is to stain the cotton;

You will steal his agenda like a common crook,

Take your self gratifying hit before you reach rock bottom. 

You have convinced yourself he's yours in your mind. 

A relationship so distorted and blatantly unfit,

For the good of what's moral you refuse to leave it behind. 

Chasing something so far where you don't belong,

Not seeing the direction where you know you should look,

And taking down casualties as you continue to forge on. 

You had no right to claim this story to write all along,

A foundation so fragile under which planted feet has been shook,

But you'll pen your false name even though it's all wrong,

This story that isn't yours to own beyond this crossed line. 

09.22.16
©Kerri L. Stanley

Behind The Holy Door

It's a scene that depicts not innocence.

It's what really goes on behind the holy door.

It's everything and nothing at all.

It's yesterday wronged forevermore.

It's the secret you carry in your pocket,

A burden of a sin deflected to be theirs and mine.

It's a topic left abandoned and untouched.

It's the drawing of the moral line.

It's the saving of a broken soul,

That's the manipulation of truth to your lies.

It's the business that matters to no one,

Despite all of the wheres and whys.

The story at times has been changed.

Even the timeline has been modified.

Vows that teeter on an unbalanced foundation

Continue to weaken you as the glorified.

It's corruption we sleep through each night.

It's a topic we fight to keep out of the news.

Yet to share in confession and reconciliation,

Will release us from the lies turned to truth.

It's a scene that will depict hurting wounds.

It's what will no longer go on behind the holy door. 

It's everyone and everything at all.

It's tomorrow made right forevermore. 

09.05.16
©Kerri L. Stanley

You Think

You think you can invite me to play.

You think I don't know all the rules.

You think that you'll be the best leader.

You think I'm your puppetry fool.

You think you can scheme and manipulate.

You think I won't fall for your ruse.

You think that you covered your tracks.

You think I'll believe your excuse.

You think you will win at your game.

You think I can't walk in your shoes.

You think that I'll share this with no one.

You think a defeat you'll refuse.

You think you had almost made it.

You think the outcome is yours to choose.

You think that you're all that important.

You think this isn't front page news.

You think you can invite me to play.

You think you can bend all the rules.

You think I can't be the best leader.

You think you're too smart to be fooled.

05.23.16
©Kerri L. Stanley

Self Indulgent Tantrum

Who you say you are is not who I've come to see,

But you'll deny what's in the mirror,

And deflect that it is really only me.

You walk into the story more than halfway through,

Refuse to rewind to the beginning,

And I'm left with a guilty verdict in misjudgment by you. 

You'll gather a few of your self indulgent people,

Decide you can bully through unjust authority,

And all your fabricated lies to them you'll feed.

So I'll change the outcome of these scenes,

Since you only seem to thrive on causing trouble,

Because the end should certainly justify the means.

05.11.16
©Kerri L. Stanley

Old Flames

It's been a couple of years now,
The fire's heat we can no longer feel.
I thought we could see past the smoke,
And walk away with just burns that would heal

I see you around from time to time,
Even ask others about how you've been.
Forgiveness found its way to my heart,
And I thought maybe we'd be friends again.

But I made the grave mistake
Of revisiting that old place from the past.
And I found you have been there too
And it's clear that it won't be your last.

There is leftover bitterness in your soul,
Clinging to your bones like smoke does to wood.
You've fanned the flames to rekindle the fire
Knowing I'd burn in the place where I stood.

If time erases the pain and the hurt,
It sure missed its mark with you.
Keep playing with fire and you'll burn again,
Until you grow tired of what the scars will do.

One day you'll look at yourself in the mirror,
And won't recognize the person you'll see.
But it won't be too late to let it all go,
I'll forgive you still and beside you I'll be.

03.14.16
©Kerri L. Stanley

Whatever You Say

The hands of time keep pushing us forward
But in reality I'm stuck in the past.
You will tell me my vision is blurring the truth
Your undying love you'll hold fast.

What you say can never be what you really mean;
The color of love is not green.
So I stand here before you weak at the knees
And I tell you what it is you can't see.

REFRAIN
Dreams that will never become memories,
Or things that stay broken too long.
Hypocrisy bulging from your back pocket,
All the rights that keep staying as wrongs.

Below average should be good enough,
All that you want you think I do, too.
What I don't have I can't use for leverage,
And I crumble, feeling just like a fool.

The clock still passes our time.
Day in and day out, we survive.
Soon another season will come to an end,
And we will step into another, again with no end.

What I say can never be what you want it to mean;
The color blue is easy to see.
You'll stand here before me while I'm down on my knees
And you'll tell me how you think it should be.

REFRAIN
Dreams that will never become memories,
Or things that stay broken too long.
Hypocrisy bulging from your back pocket,
All the rights that keep staying as wrongs.

Below average should be good enough,
All that you want you think I do, too.
What I don't have I can't use for leverage,
And I crumble, feeling just like a fool.

It will always be your vision, your words, your way.
Like a fool, I'll let time keep pushing us forward,
Into another this is a good enough day.

03.06.16
©Kerri L. Stanley

Blue

If I let myself think back on that day
The blue of the sky,
The skip of my heart,
Everything I wasn't able to say,
Sadness envelopes me
My eyes fill with tears,
I choke on yesterday's words
And again, you are unable to see
How such a loss holds its pain anew
Like it had occurred all over again
No matter how many blue sky days have passed
Reliving it is what I'll always need to do

12.28.15
©Kerri L. Stanley