I'll Be Fine

I can't seem to find the words
That cloud my mind in the night
Stealing sweet dreams as they do
And leaving me lost in this plight
It's like trying to carry cold water
That slips through my hands with the time
That before me seems endless and vast
Too much, not enough, and sublime 

So I keep moving on
Put one foot in front of the other 
Knowing if only you'd let me go
That tomorrow I'd be just fine 

Funny how things seem okay
When you get what you want sometimes
We pretend this is how it's supposed to be
And keep walking that line that's so fine 
And I know we want different things
But you can't give me what I need 
What keeps you awake at night
Goes unspoken and dies in my heed 

So I keep moving on
Put one foot in front of the other 
Knowing if only you'd let me go
That tomorrow I'd be just fine 

So I keep moving on, moving on
And someday tomorrow I'll be just fine 

12.1.12

Forgiven

You haven't noticed how long it has been
Since we walked hand in hand through our lives
That you left me way back in the fork in the road
Resisting you and your sins and dreamless desires
Thinking mediocre is enough to sustain us
Nudging me along to keep pace with your step
Hoping my silence is my gratuitous consent
Not seeing that now there is really nothing left
Your weakness will blind you to the sad truth
But I continue to follow you down a treacherous slope
Because I know of no other means of survival
And my heavy heart has long since buried all hope
You can carry me every time I might stumble
I can hold onto you for wanting what you can't give
We will continue this journey because it's good enough for you
And because even a broken heart can still know how to forgive

11.25.12

Song, Interrupted

That the melody of the song
Should change halfway through
Like a memory that burns through time
Fading to colors of gray and blue
Heartbeat in rhythm to the drums
Aching from constant pain
A door left open to the cold
Crying eyes seeing only the rain
Did you know this is how it would end?
That your shadow would always be there
Now silent, you ended the song
That we still hear ever day, everywhere

11.25.12

Understood

I can't explain its presence
How it sneaks into my soul
Willing me to acknowledge its depth
For without it I am not whole
Its transparency well hidden from most
Who will bury it with false pretense
But my eyes see more than is there
The pain that was felt for when
It is thought nobody else will know
Or understand the worth of this pain
For the tears hidden with the secret
Are like mine and unfalling rain
You don't know I know who you are
And I won't reveal that I know your song
But I'll think of you during those times
And with the feeling I'll carry on
As you do through your life
Thinking nobody else can see
The fragility of your heart
That makes you just like me

02.15.12

Doubt

The doubt that you carry
Found not near me
Has only created fragments
Of who we are to be
You will question my actions
In the midst of a great loss
So I question your insecurity
Even though I see its cause
You let your heart bleed
Keep putting Band-Aids on your soul
Thinking when I stand beside you
Is when you can be whole
Fragments that weigh heavy
Taking space reserved for love
Scattered all around us
As they fall from up above
This doubt is everywhere
Now permeating you and me
The box of Band-Aids is empty
And together we are not free

10.13.10

I Can

I can go to the ocean
And watch the waves crash on the shore
But I'll never understand
Why you're not here anymore
I can see the clouds gather
Before a gentle rain
But my heart will always ache
Not having known your pain
I can listen to pretty songs
And find meaning in their words
But I'll wonder about that day
And if you wanted to be heard
I can give thanks for what I have
And watch day turn into night
But still feel sorry that you couldn't
Find your way towards the light
I can cry myself to sleep
While I miss you more each day
But I'll keep you in my heart
And it is there you'll always stay

09.04.10

Lauren Rae

Our love for you is too great
To be able to say goodbye
Wishing you were still here
Laughing by our side
The pain you felt so deeply
We now carry in our hearts
As real as the memories we shared
That unravel and come undone
For all of us near and far
No second chances to take
You in our arms
To tell you that's okay
And help you find some peace
And show you it's not far away
As you are now from us
Surrounded by His love
Gone too soon from this life
Saddened we lost tomorrows
Without you here with us
Endearments left to hold
Through all our love and sorrow
We don't know which way to fall

08.06.10

Unwritten Rules

It’s something you sacrifice for them
What you’d do to help them along
Or do to teach them life’s lessons

It’s a game in between the games
When you decide to play along
Or decide to break the rules

It’s a fact no one will state
Where you pretend to like each other
Or pretend to even care

It’s a time they will remember
Why they arrived here even at all
Or arrived here to want to leave

It’s something you’ll keep inside
How knowing it’s better to keep quiet
Or knowing you’d lose the game

07.04.10

Crossing the Bridge

Don’t tell me how I should feel
or make me do things your own way
You’ll keep me from crossing the bridge
Refusing to listen to what I have to say

Your nights could be my days
And your days could be my nights
How you or I perceive it will depend
On the brightness of the light

Life is full of choices
And events we can’t control
So close your eyes to what you
Don’t want to see
And to the memories continue to hold

For beating me down when I’m already
On my knees
Gives you no more power to bestow
It will only break the bridge on which we stand
And we’ll both crash to the water below

6.30.10

Insignificance

We awaken on this day
Blessed to see daylight
No matter what the weather
Dare you act with it in sight
You embrace the memory
Of today's anniversary
Wishing the clock stalled time
Keeping thoughts that you will carry
At the end of the last hour
Long shadows cast in the night
Swallowing the day's intentions
Diminished that they might
Mean less to the one you love
Transforming today's intent
To one you'd rather forget
With yesterday it is buried and sent
With your tears that fall silently
Harboring another lost day
Holding your fragile heart
And keeping from running away

06.23.10

Pieces of Love

Innocence under the covers
Preparing to rest his little body
Welcoming slumber slowly
Will he let me kiss him goodnight?

I wrap my warms around him
And leave him with a kiss
Hopeful my love will carry
Through a peaceful night of sleep

He tosses it on the floor
Before I can leave the room
"Take that kiss back!" he says
And it shatters at my feet

I pick up the pieces
Scattered beside his bed
While he answers with laughter
When I ask what I will do

He refuses to take the pieces
I must take them out of the room
I'm thankful he can't toss the love
Too big for him to break

03.09

Weakened Knots

It is delicate and thin
Frayed at the edges
Knots tied together
From the repeated pledges

They are feet that are weary
From pacing the floor
Traversing only old places
To remember vows from before

It is bruised and often heavy
Too close to breaking
Tho strong for tomorrow
And reasons it is taking

They are lost in their ignorance
Unwilling to learn
That He offers His hand
At each and every turn

It is removed from its place
Every evening for use
To hold not just the wine
But also the excuse

To tie yet another knot
Not to take the same path
To show them that love
Can be toasted from the glass

That offers a new start
Letting go of the past
With broken wings they’ll fly
Finding a new path to explore at last

12.16.09

Truth That Lies

The water underneath the creaking bridge
Through sunny day storms will recede and rise
Testing the strengths of the brave ones
Dividing them between the truth that lies
Visible beyond but way out of reach
Except for the ones who will together hold hands
Knowing strength in numbers will keep them alive
Despite breeching morals that dissolve like sand
They will toss out a rope to save their own
And turn a blind eye to the dog paddlers
Who will eventually make way to solid ground
Still not losing sight of what really matters
They’ll shake off the remnants of dirt
And with the others on that bridge will stand
While their own might be lost to keep it from breaking
Knowing it’s needed to connect the two lands
They will accept in silence their continued defeat
And some may choose not to always follow
The ones who pretend to be who they are not
Because popularity is their only shadow
Thinking they are safer in greater numbers
Losing sight of who they really are
The underdogs see especially on sunny days
Because the colors of shadows are always dark

11.14.08

Tempered Glass

Every time you scream
You risk shattering the glass
That divides us as we are
Holding on while running fast
To save our scrambling feet
From being cut by the sharp edges
We foresee quickly falling down
In your angry frightening message
And once the glass is broken
It cannot be repaired
The cracks won't hold us here
Because we no longer will have cared
To attempt to block the blows
That are your words of misuse
Untouchable we'll be to you
And the glass will be bullet-proof

10.14.09

Sideline View

What only can be sought
Or released in his exertion
You capture in his mistakes
And toss back trying to hurt him

To withstand your raw reprimanding
And suspending the actions around
Hit harder than you might have expected
To reveal this that has been found

Twenty lashings would have hurt less
And he might have moved yet forward
But kicking him while he was down
Only reflected what could have been avoided

It was a poor example of your claim
That you will strive to make him better
It is clear now that there had to be
Many hidden storms he has had to weather

So justify your words with his faults
And pretend that it doesn’t matter
While you never saw him at his worst
You should know we strive to capture

What can only be achieved
Or gained in his true person
He finds in his own worth
Where you only more will worsen

Anger from the storms we’ve endured
And the example you choose to lead
But you have forced him to further shut down
Because you have already planted the seed

It is rivalry at its best
And one that we will never overcome
To say we tried but can try no more
Is the only way this game can be won

10.04.09

Broken Commandments

While there are two to a marriage
There should always be three
Without Him beside us
We are blind not to see
Anger us divides
And we say unkind things
Unable to save each other
And enjoy what life brings
To seek rest and prayer
Even one day a week
For cleansing our souls
Is not just for the meek
Where respect has been weakened
Amongst even descendents
Who lack what we can’t give them
With modified commandments
Although no one has died
At the hands of a crime
What becomes of the spirit
Whose hands that can bind
Though they won’t hold another
While the vows have been sworn
Imagination can run deep
In a life yet to be born
A heart you can hold
But not claim to be yours
If another one will steal it
Without any remorse
If your life is their business
And they’ve burdened the worst
They might think they are justified
To share in what hurts
It’s a wound that won’t heal
And no pride can replace
For no angels can watch over
What you continue to erase
So within your walls you might stay
And continue to hide
But there is room for you with Him
Should you walk by his side

04.20.09

Gratitude

I’d give my life for them
And I’d run away from them
For a moment of silence
Deaf to my ears
For a moment in the sun
Blanketing my soul
For a moment to remember
How much I miss them
And I’d run to them
Because they are my life

02.25.09

I See Right Through You

It’s like saying it’s yellow
When it’s really gold
Or pretending to change
And conform to a mold
Where you can’t quite fit
To the stories you’ve told
And warmth is still absent
Even away from the cold
Your eyes will betray you
In your imagination so bold
You think you’re so clever
With your cards that you hold
Refusing to back down
And admit you should fold
Keep lying to yourself
But I won’t ever be undersold

02.25.09

Rape of Innocence

He opened the door
Without knowing
That fire spreads more quickly
And we all breathe the same
Oxygen
Too late to shut out the images
That should never have been seen
Now burned and charred along
With their innocence
That can’t be reclaimed once
You’ve been raped
Bless the child who lit the match
That started the fire
Where oceans of water can’t
Drown the flames
Or wash away his parents’ sins
That smolder in the aftermath
So knock down the debris and rebuild
Or renovate and repair the damage
With the likelihood that every damp day
Thereafter
Will permeate that memory you are trying
So hard to erase
And the soil under which the door had stood
Will never know drought
Yet no matter how hard you try to plant
The seeds to bloom flowers
Only ugly weeds will emerge
Offering polluted oxygen you don't want to
Breathe


02.18.09

Truth

They are among the non-believers
Who think it’s all a ruse
As if it’s possible to even see
through the fabrics of the wool
That was never theirs to claim
As an excuse for accusation
That she’d reveal her clusterfook
As the means of affirmation
That the tale is as real today
With the promise for tomorrow
They will likely take for granted
While they mistake all of our sorrow
Casting stones as hard as their hearts
they could not possibly understand
She couldn’t fabricate what she has endured
When it was always in his His hands

01.18.09