Echos

Maybe That

It’s there in the middle of the room.

Why can’t you see what everyone can see?

I guess there’s not much more we can say

Yet it has been there all this time,

Something you just could not leave and let be

Forcing him out before noon.

It’s been years and you let yourself

walk well beyond that moral line.

When you turned your back to integrity

It was clear you had gone too far.

Your private world was broken

So you had him carry your burdens with his.

You weren’t going to let him get away

And maybe that’s the reason he now can’t stay.

It’s not easy telling you this

That you are not where you belong.

This life you’re stuck on to play

Has impacted not just anyone.

The hard truth makes you want to stop this stay,

Something you just couldn’t walk away from when you should

Bringing us here too early and too soon.

It’s been years and you keep telling yourself

that your relationship is nothing and simple and fine.

When you crossed that ethical line

You claimed her as yours even from afar.

Keeping her as your token

Even though ultimately there was nothing to be gained.

Unwilling to stand up and walk away,

And maybe that’s the reason you now can’t stay.

I don’t think it was ever a waste

But it’s been there where we’ve crossed that space.

And your private world was broken

To his public one that was before and is now.

You weren’t going to let him even have a say,

And maybe that’s the reason he now can’t stay.

It’s plain as day still there, in the middle of the room.

And maybe that’s the reason you now can’t stay.

And maybe that’s the reason for the end of this stay.

Maybe that.

06.27.21

Broken Belief

You were something for all to see.

Yeah, you impressed us with your style.

You showed us who you wanted to be.

You took your shot and missed it by a mile.

You’ve lost your way somehow.

Did you forget your vows?

You preach, we hear,

We all follow your stance.

We let you lift us up

And devote to be better.

Still you hide your secret within,

And we promise to never give in.

It’s the price we all will pay

Until we are forced to throw it all away.

Belief flows like the rain coming down.

It ain’t easy to keep your prayers alive.

We hoped you’d eventually come around

And your mistakes you’d avoid next time.

But how right it was back then.

Do you remember when?

You preach, we hear,

We all follow your stance.

We let you lift us up

And devote to be better.

Still you hide your secret within,

And we promise to never give in.

It’s the price we all will pay

Until we are forced to throw it all away.

02.28.21

Clear as Day

It's the other life that you live

Behind the wall of deception,

That you think if nobody sees it,

Leaves you immune to only perfection.

Thinking transparency throws off any doubt,

You’re the driver of this extended expedition.

Yet you are never the one behind the wheel,

So there’s no need for any contrition.

Entangled for years in this guidance

That really is your parallel fantasies,

That because you avoid any intimacy,

Only blinds you to what you think is seen.

This emotional momentum has surpassed

Any spiritual connection on which the seed was planted.

Now compromised and tangled is your subconscious,

To remedy or even realize it’s too late to be recanted.

An emotion we don’t like to endure

Is that of loneliness and isolation.

Yet His house has begun to start to teeter,

Where there are too many cracks in its foundation.

It’s actions like these that harden our hearts,

But keep telling yourself that nothing is wrong.

You think it all affects nobody around you;

You will continue with burying truths forever and so long.

It’s the other life that you live

For the better part of many a day,

That has brought on this turbulence now.

There are none so blind to what is clear as day.

02.27.21

It was a snapshot in my head
A winding path on which they were led
The hands of time would leave its mark
A flashback to yesterday
Too young to realize the pains of today
And the burdens life would show them

Let’s not even pretend
No need to compare life’s notes
No judgment for how they turned out
Queue the rainbows, dreams and hopes
That we thought we’d be tossing about
Instead the mess of their life we’ll hide
Masking the truth in our lies
Let’s not even pretend

College dropouts, arrests and failures
Hard lessons they will have to withstand
Tough love is our weapon to draw
Behind the walls of justice and law
You can’t really helps those who
Don’t want to stand and help themselves

So let’s not even pretend
No need to compare life’s notes
No judgement for how they turned out
Out of reach, the rainbows and hopes
That we thought we’d be tossing about
Instead the mess of their life we’ll hide
Masking the truth in our lies
Let’s not even pretend

They just, they smile back, pretending not to know
Let us hide the facts as we go
Behind the clear and cracked panes of glass
And let us have our wishful moments

So let’s not even pretend
No need to compare life’s notes
No judgement for how they turned out
Out of reach, the rainbows and hopes
That we thought we’d be tossing about
Instead the mess of their life we’ll hide
Masking the truth in our lies
So let’s not even pretend

No need to compare life’s notes
No judgement for how they turned out
Queue the rainbows, dreams and hopes
That we thought we’d be tossing about
Instead the mess of their life we’ll hide
Masking the truth in all our lies
Let’s not even pretend
Let’s not even pretend

10.01.20

A Seat at The Table

You know they're not really your friends,
People who you thought would be there til the end.
Everyone is busy, too much going on.
Before you know it, you realize you don't belong.
That winding road has seen its share of collisions
Marked by life's reality of your personal provisions.

And you keep setting the table for everyone
Thinking a reunion will retie the bond.
But that seat remains empty again,
Still holding fast to what you've missed for so long.

They would just brag about their perfect families
And how wonderful their kids are doing.
You don't have to lie about your own tragedies,
Or compare their successes to your ruins.

Because you stopped setting the table for everyone
Knowing that they've long since moved on.
It's time to replace them with new friends
Who know that road that you still travel on.

01.19.19

Nobody

It’s a culmination of years that started in kindergarten.

All those years when you want to shine like a star

Earning high grades, achievements, medals, recognition

So that everybody knows you are somebody.

Fast forward to your last years in high school,

When the most valuable lesson you never dreamed of learning

Was that life can hurt and friends will abandon you,

And the colors of your palate have turned a dull gray.

The last day of those years can’t come soon enough.

You’ll receive that diploma, not with the relief of success,

But with the relief of knowing you can finally close the door for good

And leave those people behind and those papers in a box.

And when they look through the yearbook and come to your photo,

Where you have none of the accomplishments even listed,

They might feel a pang of regret and sadness,

But most likely will just turn the page without even caring.

Because they are too caught up in boasting about their own successes

And their parents are too busy bragging about them

Competing with each other to make sure their child is the brightest star

Careful to hide all their mistakes and faults and truths.

Having left invisible words next to your name and leaving them nothing to reconsider

Will mean everything and anything, and they will be able to interpret the blank message.

They will have been around the block and will have wished they could change history.

When the future will be the present time, and they will see and know your name.

They will call themselves your friends and think that they are special

Because the colors of their palate by now will be dull and faded,

And they’ll think knowing you will make them feel important,

And they will boast that they did, back when you were in high school.

But that door you closed, the hinges will have long since rusted.

There will be no way out and no way in.

And you will be the person they wished they could be,

And like they did to you in high school, you will give your time for nobody.

06.13.18
© Kerri. L. Stanley

On My Way

It’s a place we’ve been many times before
Followed by the knowing sound of a slamming door
I don’t like being here now
I don’t like being here now

Edge of the cliff, fearful of the height
But when I look down I know what I’ll find
Still I won’t make a sound
Still I won’t make a sound

All the disillusion I’ve felt before
Clinging to my heart and mind ‘til I’m jaded
The writing’s on the walls, ceilings, and the floors
And I walk on eggshells trying not to break them

I’m gonna cross that bridge and just move on
You deserve less from me than the time of day
And you might think that I think that you have won
Because like a spoiled child you have gotten your way

It’s a place we’ve been many times before
And now I can finally walk through that door
My happiness I want to shout
My happiness I want to shout

You see, I’m the dragon slayer
And you are broken beyond repair
It’s a freedom that I have found
It’s a freedom that I have found

Not going to pretend to care anymore
Healing my heart and mind of this hatred
I’ve repainted the walls, ceilings, and the floors
And I made my own rules and you can’t even break them

I can see clearly now the pain is gone
I learned how to block every punch when you threw me shade
And you you should know that your actions can’t be undone
I’m on my way, yeah I have found my way

This path you wanted me to follow
Left me feeling empty and only more hollow
Yeah, this path you had me follow
Left me feeling empty and only more hollow

I’m on my way now that those days are gone
I control all the things that I have changed
And you should know that my actions can’t be undone
There’s a better way, yeah it’s a new day

04.01.18
© Kerri L. Stanley

They All Know

Aimlessly, you continue to roam,
Never realizing all that you’ve shown,
And they talk about you up there,
A prized scandal they claim, they claim
all their own.

Back when it had begun,
Is when you started to come undone,
So many moons ago,
Well they all know, they all know.

REFRAIN
You think it’s nothing because it’s not
spoken aloud,
But you’re treading water, and eventually
you will drown.
It’s the talk of the town that they keep
dancing around,
Keeping it behind sacred doors thinking
broken treasures can’t be found.

Your cover, it is blown,
They all know.
You think you’re faultless,
But they know, they all know.

REFRAIN
You think it’s nothing because it’s not
spoken aloud,
But you’re treading water, and eventually
you will drown,
It’s the talk of the town that they keep
dancing around,
Keeping it behind sacred doors thinking
broken treasures can’t be found.

All the time,
They are mindful,
And they judge behind their smiles.

In due time,
The clock will chime,
And you will have to atone.

03.17.18
© Kerri L. Stanley

Not Quite Over

We’ve been here before,
Losing sight of what it’s all for.
Somehow I’ve gotten replaced
For the love you needed in haste,
Whom you think you need more to adore.

To fill your soul and what’s left
Of self pride scarred since adolescent depth.
And you’ve wandered too far away,
Wandered too far away.

It’s like you’ve crossed the border
To abandoned times out of order.
We keep getting older,
But it’s not quite over.
The friendship that has been broken
Can’t hold a candle to what I keep holding,
Even if you have somehow wandered,
The candle flickers in its holder.
Still it’s not quite over,
Not quite over.

It’s not knowing how to share,
And even forgetting that I’m here.
It’s that voice to whom you don’t listen,
Neglecting the friendship that’s still there.
It’s a promise made to the end,
That we’d always be best friends.
Yet here we are at a dead end,
A dead end.

I refuse to ever doubt
That it will fade to be allowed,
Just because you aren’t aware,
Or are blinded by false love.
We put on a front,
Lying to each other.

Still it’s not quite over,
Not quite over.

03.08.18
© Kerri L. Stanley

Nothing at All

Pen to paper, I’ll write it all down,
And I’ll pretend that it means nothing at all.
But if there’s nothing that is happening,
In the hours that are the night,
What is it I’m not writing about?

Your vision is blurred in what you refuse to see,
Perspectives from the people of day.
Your senses are muted and buried by the heart
Overcompensating to pretend that it’s free.

Oaths that were taken on that sacred day,
Only realized in the role that you play.
It’s all part of how you learn to live with the lies -
Disconnected from nothing happening today.

Confessor to friend, I’ll lay it all down,
And I’ll pretend it means nothing at all.
But if there’s nothing that is happening,
In these things that make up you and she,
What is it I’m not talking about?

02.23.18
© Kerri L. Stanley

Trespass

Those are safe words,

What you put in your text.

In case you are challenged,

And ultimately put to the test.

There’s a fence that you will cross,

A very obvious visible line,

Yet you think that you’re not seen

When you’re standing on the other side.

Everybody sees.

Everybody knows.

Everybody denies.

Trespass.

The weight of your burden cannot be felt

Because you carry each other’s sins for each other.

Reasons and excuses unlock the key to the gate,

So you see no need for penance to your Father.

But everybody sees.

And everybody knows.

Still, everybody denies.

Trespass.

Just because you can cross over to the other side,

Does not mean it was never a trespass.

02.17.18

Asking For a Friend

If you know the truth in the words to a story

Can be hidden amid secret deceit

Should you read between the lines?

Asking for a friend.

If you hear a telltale whisper that sounds like a lie

Carried in the branches of a willow tree,

Should you wait and listen for them to bend?

Asking for a friend.

If you perceive what looks like a sin

Repeating itself as only habits can,

Should you brush it off time and again?

Asking for a friend.

If you know something to be wrong,

Even when it might seem all right,

Should you take action to make it end?

Asking for a friend.

If you know it is bringing you down,

And keeping you awake at night,

How do you know when is then?

Asking for a friend.

02.02.18

Hallowed Be Thy Name

Hearing the tale that doesn’t belong,

Realizing again that it’s all still so wrong.

That knot in my stomach, it found its way back,

To the lies and deception that still fill your heart.

You’re stumbling around in the dark,

Taking the path where you know you shouldn’t go.

You deny any crime or sin

By hiding in plain sight as proof and to show

The innocence of a shepherd with its lamb

Can’t be connected to the bull’s eye mark,

Of you having been exposed in the dark.

Too many eyes, too many close calls.

Too many echoes in the crowded halls.

You think you can cover it up being hallowed;

The truth hurts so much.

You’re stumbling around in the dark,

Taking the path where you know you shouldn’t go.

You deny any crime or sin

By hiding in plain sight as proof and to show

The innocence of a shepherd with its lamb

Can’t be connected to the bull’s eye mark,

Of you having been exposed in the dark.

The truth always comes out, what will still appear,

In the falling of every single silent tear.

02.02.18

Not Otherwise Specified

I look back at how we wound up here.

Memories are scattered in my mind.

Just like your thoughts and movements

And sands of time.

That time is out of reach when you had shined.

Solidly walking

that lifeline,

And now the answers are so hard to find.

All the scrambled words that are spoken,

And they reveal that you are broken.

What is there left to say?

Every time you flip that switch,

You unravel another woven stitch.

What is there left to say?

And the ties that bind my hands,

Tightly knotted to prevent your escape.

You didn’t choose this.

Logic and reality were yours to miss.

You were handed a new deck of cards

To play.

All the scrambled words that are spoken,

And they reveal that you are broken.

What is there left to say?

Every time you flip that switch,

You unravel another woven stitch.

What is there left to say?

And we try to play by the rules,

Amid the cheaters and all the flaws.

Pray, pray hard to our God.

For the means to fix what is broken.

And understand the words when they

Need to be spoken.

What is there left to say?

Love Hard

Love hard.

Stop hating.

Lines are crossed,

Lives are lost.

We’ve forgotten how to hate less,

Or how to mend this brokenness.

We must plant seeds of hope,

Tie love knots with this life rope.

In the darkness shine unified light,

And keep faith in our sights.

How can we mend our hearts?

In peace we must embark.

How can we make things right?

And live peacefully without fright?

Love hard.

Riptide

It looks just like you're standing on the shore,

The riptide is pulling you in.

Each crashing wave sinks your feet deeper

Into the sand.

Rooted to where you must stand,

Unable to free yourself from the knowledge

Of going down.

Lips sealed tight with your secret,

Unable to even utter a sound.

A hand reaches out for you,

But it's nothing but an illusion.

The act of pretending to want to even care,

Is obvious in what's not hidden in your stare.

Shameless pining to nurture self abuse,

Unwilling to let go of what is unattainable.

Buried deeper into the sand,

You refuse to reach out your hand,

Choosing to gamble with your psychological,

Emotional and spiritual growth,

Thinking that the tide will recede and lessen,

Not seeing that it is nothing but an obsession.

It looks like you're standing on the shore,

The riptide is pulling you in,

Because you have no strength to liberate yourself

From where you willingly and foolishly stand.

Highs and Lows

I took a ride to the coast,

Just me and nobody else

To unscramble these thoughts in my mind.

What I remember the most,

Is how lonely I felt

How that pain could leave me feeling so blind.

I watched the waves on the shore

Like so many other times before

And I knew I was where I should be.

Not to let it consume me,

It was time to forgive,

Even if it meant to agree to disagree.

And the highs get so high,

And the lows get so low

And the things that make us most

Uncomfortable are the things that

Teach us what we all need to know.

Yeah, I saw that fine line,

And I relinquished the chance

To leave it there when I knew I had to go.

I took the long way home,

Turned the music up loud

And the playlist was worthy to note:

"Don't Miss Your Life" and

"If I Needed You",

I heard the words of these songs echo the most.

Still I brought them back home,

All these jumbled up thoughts,

As they tumbled right out of my hands.

I put them all in a jar

That I handed over to you,

And you could see how far back it all began.

And the highs get so high,

And the lows get so low

And the things that make us most

Uncomfortable are the things that

Teach us what we all need to know.

Yeah I saw that fine line,

And I relinquished the chance

To leave it there when I knew I had to go.

And you lifted me high

To a place I didn't think I could go

Not wanting to miss this life,

Knowing I would still always need you

And learning that together we would still grow

And hold on to each other like we did long ago.

Echos

Maybe That

Broken Belief

Clear as Day

Let's Not

A Seat at The Table

Nobody

On My Way

They All Know

Not Quite Over

Nothing at All

Trespass

Asking For a Friend

Hallowed Be Thy Name

Not Otherwise Specified

Love Hard

Riptide

Highs and Lows

Come Home

Past Poetry

Kerri